You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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