where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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