i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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