Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
