I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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