Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
And then he peed in my hair
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