We won't sleep together?
Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
