ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize