just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
