his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
