A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Michael Bay diarrhea
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
