I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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