tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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