Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
