Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
