i can't believe i had my finger in that
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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