It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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