i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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