My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
