please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
