currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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