did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Two words: blizzard sex
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
