none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
