pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
