She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
