that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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