Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
