apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
