Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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