Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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