he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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