I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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