Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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