I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
