fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize