Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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