O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
