my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
