What a fucking waste of an outfit
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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