Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
