i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
