she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
this just has baby written all over it
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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