You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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