he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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