my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize