I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
