my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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