How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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