Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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