I met the friendliest cop last night
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
