Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
