I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize