lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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