Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
