Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He did a backflip because drugs
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
