the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
