Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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