Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
