I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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