Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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