i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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