Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
