I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
