its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
