Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
