it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
