You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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