a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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