Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
