if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
