His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
