Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
