Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
