What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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